Ideas for Marvel’s Comic Movies
Jul 9th, 2009 | By The Rooster | Category: Reviews and opinionsRecently, a friend told me that, among the groups licenced for Marvel Films was the Power Pack. It never specified they’d get their own movie, but I don’t see this fitting into The Punisher or Avengers, so look forward to the 2012 release of Power Pack, in which they fight Dr Doom, who stole Julie Power’s Jonas Brothers tickets.
It may sound a little absurd, but let’s face it, characters need to change, need to develop, and Power Pack is not a concept that ages well. Imagine if Adam West’s Batman had starred in The Dark Knight. Imagine Heath Ledger’s performance running a silk robe-wearing playboy who slides down poles with underage boys. Oh, the fangirls would have loved that.
But I digress; this isn’t about Power Pack being a bad basis for a movie in this day and age, this is about the Marvel films on the whole. Let’s face it; they’re too cut-and-paste. They all seem the same, lacking the respective moods of the character and even the comic itself. Spider-man 3 can best be summed up by the whiny Nickelback tune that acted as its official song, and the closest Daredevil had to atmosphere was rain. Lots of rain. So much rain, in fact, that they decided for the final fight to have the water sprinklers on so there’d be rain. Rain isn’t a damn mood.
And now what worries me is the idea of an Avengers movie. Such a movie wouldn’t be made to make an Avengers movie, it would be made to shop around more character-specific films. Soon enough, there will be movies of everyone in the universe they can find a script for, which really worries me. I don’t want to see a Dazzler that could easily double as Jem: The Motion Picture.
On the other hand, X-Men Origins: Magneto may be the salvation Marvel’s movies need, being on the scale of sheer awesome equivalent to Watchmen or The Dark Knight. It has the potential to embody the fantasy I’ve had sitting through every dull holocaust movie; that Max Eisenhardt bursts in and righteously fucks up the SS. Admit it, you’ve thought it too while sitting through Schindler’s List in high school. It would be the ultimate vindication of Marvel films.
However, one good idea isn’t enough. Given how superhero movies are becoming dime-a-dozen action flicks they need original ideas. And who better to give these ideas than a college student on summer break with a sleep disorder?
First up is Luke Cage. A Luke Cage film has a lot of promise in the character’s roots as a blaxploitation comic. That’s a genre we sorely need in 2009. Imagine a Luke Cage movie in the style of Shaft or Dolemite, complete with a funky soul theme. It’s clear we’re not getting a Blade movie in the vein of Blacula, so at least give us that. If there’s three things not to have died from the 70s, it’s disco, cocaine, and exclamations like “Sweet Christmas”, all of which would be great additions to a Luke Cage flick. I’d love a film that could give us a sense of humour.
Or how about Deadpool? Since they fucked him up in the movie continuity, a movie seems like a bad idea. However, the realm of animation is wide open. I say we give him his own animated talk show, complete with a co-host; I’m thinking Loki or Bob, Agent of HYDRA. This could easily air on Adult Swim, sort of like a Marvel version of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast. Except funny.
Or, if that’s a stretch, why not go the sitcom route? Cable and Deadpool share an apartment in a middle-class New York neighbourhood, with Cable, a single dad raising the first mutant child since M-Day, playing straight man to Deadpool’s wacky antics, Weasel living in their cave-like basement emerging in a Kramer-like fashion, and regular assassination attempts from the comically inept Bishop. Throw some regular drop-ins from associated characters like Outlaw and Agent X, and you have yourself comedic gold, man.
Another character who should be better placed on television; Moon Knight. A millionaire superhero who works as a Chicago cab driver who fights crime; how did this not happen in the early nineties anyway? Watch him fumble as he tries to lead a normal life while his personality disorder leaves him with the wrong persona at the wrong time.
A World War 2 era Captain America film. Along the same lines as X-Men Origins: Magneto, I just want to see Captain America punch Adolf Hitler in the soul. Since it’s Golden Age Captain America, I’d also like to see a lot of cheese and goofiness.
Archie Meets The Punisher. That one needs no comment.
Runaways. This is an attempt to broaden the appeal of their licences, instead being a teen drama in the vein of The OC and The Hills and eschewing much of the superhero stuff. I don’t want to give much away, but a great season finale cliffhanger would involve Xavin working to separate Nico and Karolina in the guise of his fiance.
Runaways has some chance, but it won’t win over adult women. That’s where the more mature drama comes in, revolving around the romantic lives of the X-Men, Cyclops in particular. There’s such an insane love web there that Cyclops alone could keep people captivated for a year or so.
Another comedy, this one in the vein of Superbad and American Pie. The Mediocre Six; the quest of six d-list members of Spider-man’s rogue’s gallery, all roughly college aged, looking to be a thorn in the side of New York’s crime fighting community. Unfortunately, in the end they get beaten by the crack team of Howard the Duck and Spider-ham, a duo almost as inept as the villains.
And finally, to end on a serious note, Namor. I think a movie with Marvel’s kick-ass version of Aqua Man has a lot of potential to deliver a message. They could easily pull off a movie with an environmental message that doesn’t blow with Namor, portraying him with much more ambiguity than they’d grant any other character. Namor’s never been afraid to do things most heroes wouldn’t dare, and putting that into action with a message about polluting the seas would be an admirable redemption for their movies and show us that they aren’t just looking to supplant different characters into the same general plots. While social commentary isn’t always good in comics, it’s had its moments.
I actually thought most Marvel movies were okay (say, comparing it to the likes of Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, or the older Captain America movie). The melodrama constantly chained to it’s getting dry, really, but that’s pretty much the only way they put depth into an otherwise one-dimensional character. As they say, tragedy’s the first half of a super hero (second half being a freak accident/mutation/experimentcontractwithsatan). It always seems to be about a chick though, in Marvel movies. Even Ghost Rider wasn’t spared, with that Nick Cage and Eva Longoria thing. The only guy that only barely got away from the trend was ol’ Frank Castle, but that’s because he’s Frank Castle.
I would actually look forward to the following:
- A Marvel TV series covering the mutant community from House of M onwards. What with their almost dying population, the Dark X-Men and Cable babysitting Hope, it might actually be worth watching. I enjoyed X-Men Evolution, honestly, but the fact that they just played on with the old arcs that they did back in the ’93 Uncanny X-Men cartoon made it seem like just a repackaged show.
- A WORLD WAR 2 CAPTAIN AMERICA. Yes indeed. Modern day New York’s getting tired and old. I want to see Cap (and maybe Bucky) kick Hitler ass, and throw in whatever occult CGI eyecandy from the Red Skull can conjure up for laughs.
- That Cable/Deadpool sitcom. I pretty much disagreed with your entire article until I hit this part. They could even have the old styled theme songs: “He’s a telekenetic from the fuuuu-ture~ And he’s a hitman with a sassy mooouth~” *cough*
- I’m actually looking forward to the Avengers movie, if only out of the fact that this is probably the hugest crossover to come out in recent memory. I don’t even know what it’s about yet- Skrulls? More Galactus? Some other random alien threat? I don’t care. Just make sure Black Widow is hot. At most, I could have a few laughs over this with friends like we did with GI Joe.